Follow-up email...

Principal-
The other day you asked me if there was anything you could do to better support me. At first, I wasn't sure how to respond because I couldn't pinpoint or identify all of the extra stressors that were associated with my job/situation. We talked about some of the issues and concerns that I had, many that had been growing or festering for a while. And, of course, when put I'm put on the spot and pushed to a threshhold... I get emotional and sometimes cry. I appreciate the kind words and encouragement that you shared that day. Also, the compassion and time that it took to ask me if there was a way for you to help make my life/job a little easier.

You asked me what I thought of the PLC with 4th/5th grade on Wednesday. I think the PLC conversation with fourth and fifth grade aired out some of the concerns that we collectively shared. Although it won't magically improve our productivity right away, I think it will get us back on the right track. By handling the discussion in a calm and collective way, we were able to establish much needed norms that will increase and improve rapport and teamwork within our grade levels (fingers crossed).

Today, I was also able to talk with the band teacher to explain some of my concerns about the number of fifth graders who were allowed to "quit" band/enrichment class. I asked him for an updated list (and periodic behavior updates) of current students in his band class. I talked to him specifically about Z., A., S. (who is currently an aide in my class during intervention), and M1. - who came up to me at recess to say she wanted to "quit" because she didn't have time to practice. I sent M1. to the office today to discuss this matter with you because a similar situation recently got me into a lot of trouble. I briefly reminded him that R. and M2. were the first to quit, but did not bring up any conflict or specific parent names due to the "agreement" that we made at the last meeting with ___________.

This brings me to the most important part of this email. I was deeply disappointed by the way the meeting with __________ was handled. She claimed that she asked for this meeting on Monday, but I wasn't given any notice (esp. after a FULL day of meetings - leadership and PLC) or prior warning as to what her new accusations were going to be. This is the second time that I felt verbally attacked and violated by the same parent. I felt that my control was taken away and I was put on the spot... left to defend myself in front of an irrational parent who had six days to plan what she was going to say. She was allowed to be extremely inappropriate and took things to a degrading and personal level - questioning my integrity as a professional and suggesting that I bully and manipulate students. I do not care to rehash what she said, but I do think it is a problem that she was allowed to get away with saying the things she said to me with a "mediator" present. I know you tried to step in a few times, but I do not feel you stood up or supported me during our meeting. When she stated that I can't handle my own issues and that it is ridiculous that I need you to be my "buffer" to solve problems, I would have liked you to step in and make it clear that this should be protocol for ANY of the staff members at F. I am worried that she will CONTINUE to do this to other staff members if/when she gets the chance. She learned that she can get away with accusing (without specific details and evidence using only blanket statements and personal projections) teachers and berrating them with or without a principal present. After she left, you tried to console me and said some nice things about what I do in the classroom and how I positively impact kids. I think it would've made more of an impact if you had said those things with the parent in the room so that she knows that I AM indeed a valued staff member who should not be treated in such a manner.

I do not mind listening to parent concerns (and I know sometimes I take them very personally - at least at first). I know this comes with the territory. But I refuse to be treated this way and do not want my colleagues to experience the same disrespect. I would like to know how we are going to change protocol for parent "meetings" or other situations that arise with irrational parents. This is a safety concern and it should be addressed like any other hazard, safety issue, or lockdown drill. I would also like parents to be reminded (and reprimanded) if they do not check into the office before they walk on campus. I also need more than a minute's notice to collect my thoughts and gather my composure before meeting with anyone.

Right now, resolving these concerns is way more important than getting that online gradebook set up. You asked me to be honest, and I think I have adequately expressed my concerns and suggestions for continued support at the current time. My goal is NOT to change _________'s mind. It is to establish a consistent and reliable schoolwide acountability system that will help prevent these kinds of conflict from reoccuring or happening at our "bully-free" school and community.

Thanks for your time. Please let me know if you have any further questions or concerns.
-Teacher

If I don't blog about this... I might very well explode!

I feel extremely hurt and frustrated by the things parents are allowed to say. I'm also confused as to why parents believe every word that children tell them without thinking about the situations logically.

I had a parent walk into my class unannounced (without checking into the office) five minutes before school started about three weeks ago. Arms folded... face stern... inches away from me... accusing me of handling a situation with her child inappropriately... while a few students were in my room... but she refused to leave even after the bell had rung.

This parent (who has a record for stirring up trouble with teachers AND who yelled at me in front of students and my principal AND whose child helped set fire to the bathroom in first grade but got away with it because "mom came to the rescue" AND whose dad is a lawyer) irrationally claimed that I called her son a liar after he walked out of a band class with one of my students and proudly announced that they "quit" band. Don't even get me started on the new band teacher and the numerous decisions he has made that have made my life more complicated...

I tried to explain "my side" of the story while she scowled... and then she verbally threw up her frustrations about our new band program and several things that I had no control over. I tried to get her to leave to talk to the principal, esp. once the bell rang... but she continued to berate me - claiming I do not talk to kids appropriately (she has never even SEEN me talk to kids... nor have her kids ever been in my class). After she scolded me and finally brought me to tears, she left... leaving me with 33 students who were outside eagerly awaiting their teacher.

Of course, I was able to dust it off and put on a smile and proceed with the day, right?! WRONG! Who can possibly do their job after being verbally attacked...

Anyway... as you can imagine, I had a pretty crappy day that day (on top of the other stress that I had been dealing with personally and professionally)... and tried not to take it out on my kids... and I also tried not to talk about it with my kids... but they saw her walk out of my classroom and knew exactly who she was. They also saw me leave and go to the bathroom to try to compose myself and cool down. Over the next few weeks, I tried to redirect the conversation anytime it was brought up, but the kids knew (and some even saw/heard) the hurtful way she treated me that morning. It took a while to let it go, but I finally managed to "bury the hatchet."

Last Friday, we had a class meeting and I promised my partner that I would lead fifth grade (almost 70 kids!) through their first class meeting for our new bullying program. While we were going through the rules and talking, I brought up many examples of bullying with students and issues that kids face today. During our group conversation, I told them that SOMETIMES adults bully other adults... even parents sometimes bully teachers... and (at another point) SOMETIMES kids go home and tell their parents half of a story ("lie by omission") and the parents get mad at the teachers because their child accused the teacher of doing something wrong. I did not dwell on either topic nor did I mention any names... but apparently I struck a cord with the [guilty] student... and some "friends" of the student who are also in fifth grade told mom after school that I was talking about her in front of everyone and that I looked at the student while I was talking about the incident... so it was OBVIOUS that I was referring to her.

So... she unabashedly stated to my principal today during a "requested meeting" that she thinks I'm bullying her child. And that she thinks I use tears to manipulate students intentionally (because she thinks I cry in front of my students all the time)... that I slandered her and talked about her in front of students and colleagues... and that I am unprofessional... and need to learn how to deal with problems and parents in a professional way. And... she said she was going try to be the "better person" and overlook my "quirks" and forget the whole situation ever happened... but that I JUST HAD to bring it up again... and all of this is MY FAULT. At one point, she suggested that I should be fired and students should at least be interviewed to see if I was bullying other students...

She said all of this to me today in a "mediated" meeting with my principal... that I was given NO WARNING about... AGAIN! She was able to twist the whole situation and get away with it... AGAIN! And as a "professional" teacher, I had to sit there and take it...

At the end of the meeting... we "agreed" that she was not allowed in my classroom... and that if she had a problem or concern... that she would go straight to the principal. She also added on the way out that she would not even say "hi" to me on the playground... so very professional.

Now I am at home after five hours of scheduled and surprise meetings... and five hours of teaching (minimum day)... I am trying to let things go and get myself geared up to work some more. I need to finish 33 progress reports and send them home tomorrow.

Oh, the joys of teaching! Is it summer yet?